Caregiver or Daughter? (It’s hard to do both)
My whole life I have been a daughter. I’m not sure how anyone can avoid that, at least the biological side of being a daughter. I am one of the lucky ones to have had my biological mother all my life. She was always the best mother she could be. I never doubted that she loved me, and I always have loved her. Of course, we had our differences, especially while she was raising me and my siblings (not that I was a bad kid… most of the time). Even as an adult I have had differences with my mother. But, thankfully, none of it was ever anything serious or the kind that leaves deep wounds. I am lucky with that too.
The hardest stage, for me so far, in being a daughter, hit me when I also became her caregiver. In 2008 my husband and I began phasing into becoming caregivers for both of my parents. For the most part, through the years, it has been part time, as we always had extra help. Until 2020 and COVID. In March of 2020 I began to be the full time (and only) caregiver for my mother. I don’t want it to sound like it has been horrible being the caregiver for her. There are always silver linings in everything we do. Often times it was physically, and emotionally, hard to do the things she needs but the hardest part of all was when I realized I felt less and less like a daughter, and more like a caregiver.
Because of COVID, I had to persevere through it. I am not seeking recognition for having survived the last one + year. I am actually surprised we both survived it and still get along. I mean that lightheartedly. Just this month, April of 2021, I have added back in someone very special to help us. She is truly an amazing soul. It has only been a short amount of time that we have received her assistance, but I am slowly feeling refreshed. I am thankful for beginning steps to see myself as a daughter again, and I am hopeful that my mother will see the positive in this as well.
It’s really impossible to tell someone else not to step into the realm of being a caregiver for a parent. Circumstances and situations often make those decisions for us. All I can really say is that it is has both rewards and challenges. In many families, it is just part of life. I am thankful for the experience but even more thankful for those who have helped me along the way. I could not have done it alone.